to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
