so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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