I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
