I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
