Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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