omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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