the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
