These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
