you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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