I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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