Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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