The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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