like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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