strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
