had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
In America we eat man semen.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
