i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
