Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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