mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
