no, he came in my armpit
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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