You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
this is an emotional support booty call
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
