You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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