I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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