it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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