dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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