Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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