you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
