I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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