Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
