birth control should be required to get into college
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
