if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
