There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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