you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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