I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
