i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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