well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
