i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
