How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
