so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
