Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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