My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
