I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
