Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
