My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
