Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
