If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
