I think my vagina is haunted
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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