Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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