He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
