Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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