mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
