I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
