We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
